How To Deal With Difficult People In A Group?

“The longer we’ve been doing this (workshop facilitation), the fewer we run into difficult people. We design meetings on the assumption that participants will be smart, wise, and creative. We find that when we do this, these are the kinds of people who show up.”

- Johnnie Moore & Viv McWaters, Creative Facilitation book

I can only + 💯 this. Expecting a difficult group often creates one. Your body language, attitude, and language signal what you expect. Participants pick up on that quickly and start protecting themselves. Those signals then reinforce each other, making the group harder to work with.

On a sidenote. What is a “difficult person” anyway?

• Someone asking many questions. That might be curiosity, not resistance.
• Someone not willing to participate. Perhaps instructions aren’t clear.
• Someone constantly seeking attention. Enthusiasm with no outlet
• Someone whispering to someone. Maybe there’s no space for interaction.
• Someone interrupting you. Perhaps you talk too much and too long?

Before judging someone as difficult, I try to pause and reflect. More often than not, that person is pointing at something I can improve. It’s feedback, and feedback is uncomfortable.

My first reaction is often:
👉 “Crap, a difficult person in the group, this is going to be hard.”

My second reaction is to slow down and think:
👉 “Hey, this might be useful. What is this person showing me? What can I learn and improve?”

To be clear, I’m not saying there are no boundaries or that all behaviour is acceptable. But I’ve learned that “difficult” is often a shortcut. A label that stops us from being curious too quickly.

So, start from a different angle. Expect intelligent, wise, and creative people. And when something/someone feels “difficult”, pause before naming it. It might be a signal worth listening to. Share your observation, validate your assumptions, and see if there’s something to do differently.

What’s your view on this?