Crappy Conversations

You’d think that if there is something, we — human beings — have had enough time to practice, it’s how to have a good conversation. Obviously, every human being needs to develop these skills themselves, but general rules and guidelines are passed down as we grow up.

Yet I am often disappointed by the quality of the conversations I end up in.

Over time, I have lowered my expectations. Many conversations turn into monologues anyway. December was full of them. Lovely people, nice moments, but a lot of talking TO others rather than WITH them. 🤷‍♀️

I keep running into the same pattern. Someone asks a question. I start to answer. They jump in and answer it themselves. Or they interrupt. Or they rush me, clearly uninterested in what I am about to say.

Last month, someone actually managed to get under my skin. 😡

He kept interrupting me, leaving no room for me to share my thoughts. I gave him that feedback. He acknowledged it and then simply continued. So I chose to walk away.

I have even been complimented on having a “great conversation” when I barely spoke. Not because I did not want to. There simply was no space.

I know I am not great at small talk. I need time to think. I want my answers to mean something. That sometimes gets interpreted as not enjoying myself.

With friends and family, I get it. Not everyone developed the ‘conversation skill’. What surprises me more is how often this happens at Agile conferences. Places full of coaches, facilitators, and listeners by profession.

It makes me wonder how you can coach others if you cannot hold an equal conversation. 🤔

At the same time, the good conversations really stand out. Someone listens. Asks thoughtful questions. Does not rush me. Is fine with silence. Because there are so many crappy ones, those moments feel even more valuable. 🙏

What is your experience with crappy conversations? 
Do you recognize anything?